Gluten-Free Strawberry Chocolate Chip Muffins

Gluten-free muffins with strawberries and chocolate chips.

The moon rose almost full last night, hanging gold and low above the palm and ficus trees, urging the local beauty factor to give up its pretense of reality and meld with dreamland. The sky was a deep shade of violet with a wash of strawberry pink at the ocean's edge. Santa Monica continues to hold me in her sway. I am in love with her- and deeply grateful to be here, celebrating my first spring in California since the late seventies. I drink the friendly March sea air in gulps. I wander the alleys and sidewalks in a state bordering on bliss, photographing details and eye candy with my iPhone. It is a visual feast.

And I am savoring every bite.

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Gluten-Free Banana "Crumpets"

Split and grill these sweet no yeast "crumpets" for extra flavor.

I started out craving a scone. Then it turned into a crumpet. Not a traditional crumpet. A crumpet without yeast. And sweet. Not because I have anything against yeast (I dig my English Muffins bigtime), but because I had a bevy of ripe bananas hanging out on my kitchen counter, whispering to me, coaxing me to imagine a new recipe and highlight their fragrant banana awesomeness. So that's how it all started.

But I was low on gluten-free flours.

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Maple Roasted Banana Ice Cream without Dairy

Roasting bananas makes for vegan ice cream yum.

I never bought David Lebovitz's ice cream book The Perfect Scoop because I'm allergic to dairy, and well. To be candid, a book brimming with rich and sexy recipes built around cream and butter and brown-eyed moo cow milk would just be, you know. Depressing as hell. I'd have to reinterpret and rebuild almost every recipe in the book to be dairy-free and huevo-free- except granita, and a sorbet or two. Yawn.

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Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Scones

Gluten-free scones for tea time, brunch or breakfast.

A story to eat scones by. A scone worthy story, in other words. One more glimpse into life on the side with our unreliable narrator.

Chapter 2.

It was ridiculous how nervous she was.  It was only a class. A painting workshop. It wasn't as if she was entering a world unknown. She knew this world.  Art school was only, what, fifteen years ago? Wrong tactic. Fifteen years is a lifetime ago. She shook it off, pushed the door open with her left hip and met the familiar aromatics of turpentine and linseed oil, the clatter of wooden easels and scrape of chipped metal stools as painters staked out their territory.

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Gluten-Free Turkey Soup Recipe

An easy, homemade turkey soup simmered in a Crock Pot. 

A Cure to Slurp

A certain soup slurping and prickly individual (we won't name names, to protect the innocent) has been feeling under the weather for so long now the sensation is in danger of becoming a habit. Yes, the tree pollen onslaught continues. Blessed by a wet winter, Southern California trees are celebrating with copious amounts of pollen, and who can blame them? 

Hence, your intrepid gluten-free goddess has been up to no good, stumbling and mumbling around her freshly painted apartment in a Snuffleupagus stupor, thick-nosed and unable to string two coherent sentences together, never mind invent a new recipe for her lovely and devoted readers (that would be, You). Ears and sinuses filled with unspeakable things do not a creative, exhuberant cook make.

This is when a Slow Cooker can save your life.

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Gluten-Free Irish Soda Bread Recipe

Tender, delicious gluten-free soda bread.

As with anything in life, you get a little, you lose a little.

I just wish Mother Nature would reverse the getting and losing when it comes to life post-menopause, Darling. I'm losing on top where I've never been particularly gifted, if you know what I mean. I buy bras in the teen section because the only adult bras that fit me are those pull-over-your-head uniboob running bras and Ladies, come on. These tight little torturers (once you squeeze into them, which could take a good seven minutes; I timed it once) are, shall we say, less than inspiring. If you're over a certain age and so is your husband, you know what I'm talking about.

So I'm losing oomph there and I'm gaining in the new mid-section of me I like to call Doris because it somehow seems appropriate. These love handles deserve a name, after all. A retro name like Kitty or Patty or Madge. Because they're evidently not intent upon leaving. They insist they're here to stay.

So since Doris won't go away, I try to coax her to skedaddle by eating lots of lettuce. And a rice cake or two. I tell myself, Bunny food rocks! But I lose even more of my boobs when I eat this way.

And Doris still sticks around.

Which brings me to bread. (What midriff conversation doesn't?) In this case, Irish soda bread. Yep. The classic, yeast-free quick bread. I'm not gonna give up a bread this delicious. Even for Doris. I'll just have to run up and down the block. A lot. In between taking iPhotos with my iPhone. That's my plan anyway.

That should work, right?

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Gluten-Free Multi-Grain Crackers

Company worthy gluten-free olive oil multi-grain crackers.

This is a light, pleasantly crisp cracker that is flaky and tender- and you won't believe it's gluten-free and vegan. The texture is so elegant. Yet. The flavor retains an earthy touch of rustic, with a hint of... Dude. Cue soft focus. Suddenly I feel as if I'm in a varietal wine commercial, tossing my hair back (if I had tossable tresses, that is and not a sensible cheek length bob that refuses to toss) and laughing just so- with a tableaux of my closest, dearest multicultural friends, of course- revealing a gleaming set of perfectly capped teeth as I raise a globe of pinot noir into the rosy glow of a Napa Valley sunset to convey The Good Life.

The life without chin hairs and medical bills and neighbors who don't recycle.

All kidding aside (I don't sport a tableaux of polo shirt wearing best friends and I've never been to Napa Valley or for that matter, capped my teeth or Botoxed my frown lines leaving the perfect hint of crow's feet to crinkle when I smile so that you don't notice my eyebrows are frozen back to 1985) I  just might bake up a batch of these tasty crackers for Oscar night, whip up some Roasted Eggplant Tapenade and pop open a bottle of lovely Veuve Clicquot Brut.

Uh oh.

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